It’s Just One Of Those Shitty Days Where Life Just Sucks The Light Out Of You

I feel so lost. I feel so defeated. I feel so uninspired. I feel so unmotivated. I feel so hopeless. And I have no idea what to do.

Growing up, the line ‘You better study hard or else next time you’ll have difficulty finding a job’ has been repeated countless of times by my mom, especially when she wanted to make a point. I used to always get so annoyed (I still kinda do) when she said it because I felt like she was preaching. But looking back now, what she said has so much truth to it. Like the movie ‘Tangled’ has pointed out – mother(s) knows best.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been sending in job applications for publishing and editorial typed jobs. I wanted to gain some experience working in that industry as I wait for the results of my university posting. I was so hopeful and ready when I first started applying. After sending out a ton of applications, I did manage to score a few interviews and I thought that by the end of March, I’ll manage to score a job. But boy, was I wrong. It’s already the end of March and I don’t have anything yet and I feel like I’m loosing hope. It’s not like the jobs that I applied for were full-time jobs that required you to have a degree in Journalism. They were mainly internships, that’s why I thought that I might have a shot at getting the job even though I did not have any prior experience regarding to this line of work.

I have about three to four months before university starts, that is to say that I manage to get into one, and I certainly don’t want to spend the next three to four months wasting my time doing nothing. I know I could take up one of those basic part-time job at a retail store but I wanted to spend this time actually doing something that could eventually help me in the future. As I wanted to have a career in the editorial or publishing industry, I thought me getting an internship in this field of work will help.

Time is ticking and I already lost a whole month searching for a job. I think it is time for me to move on and just get one of those regular retail jobs. I’m not trying to be a Debbie downer with the whole ‘life is hard’ and ‘life sucks’ attitude but I’m just terrified. Terrified of the future, MY future.

I couldn’t even get an internship at a publishing or editorial company, how do I expect myself to get a job when I step out into the working world? I don’t even want to think about the fact that the economy’s really bad now and that companies are dropping people. I like to think of myself as someone who will achieve much in life, someone who will spend her life doing the thing she loves most even though she might have to work ten times harder than the rest but she wouldn’t mind. But now I’m not so sure. I just don’t want to end up like one of those people who drags their feet to work every single day and complains to everyone about how shitty her job is. I don’t want to be one of those people who just let life pass her by and spends her life not doing the things that makes her happy. I just don’t want to be that person but right now, it feels like I’m going down that path.

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