It’s been awhile since I’ve last posted because I’ve been busy with you know, life in general. It’s scary to think how time is passing by so quickly. I can’t believe I’ll be turning 20 in about a month and a half. It’s honestly so strange to think that I’ll no longer be a teenager soon but a young adult. Even though I’m almost 20, I still feel like I’m 15.
But the fact that I’m growing older is not what scaring me. It is the fact that I’m graduating at the end of this month -technically I’ll officially graduate in May but school basically ends this month- that scares me. I can’t believe this chapter of my life is coming to an end so quickly. Part of me can’t wait to graduate, especially after all the shit that I’ve been through but another part of me is just scared. Scared and worried of the future. Scared that I wouldn’t get accepted to get into a university because I’m just not good enough, academically. Scared that after university, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. Scared that I wouldn’t be able to pursue the jobs and career that I want. Basically, I’m just so damn scared of the future. I know I’m still young and I should be living in the moment and spend all my time worrying about the future because I’ll only be 20 once. But how could I not when it feels like everything is going by so quickly?
I guess I’m just afraid that I won’t be living the life that I want in the future. I’m not someone who will be content with just getting by in life. I not only want to lead a comfortable life but I also want to have a job that I love. I want to travel the world and experience life to the fullest. I want to be living my life instead of just being alive. The fact that I may not be able to live my life the way I want scares me because I would just feel like I’ve let myself down. And as someone who has left myself and others down a lot in the past, it doesn’t feel good. But I guess that’s life. It’s unpredictable and we don’t know where we’re going or where are paths are leading us to. All we can do is to give our best in everything that we do and pray that we’ll be alright.