In this past week I’ve realized something about myself. I realized that I’m afraid to speak my mind in fear of what others may think, say or feel about me. I have this irrational fear of telling people what I’m really thinking or what I feel in fear that I will not be liked or that my thoughts and opinions will cause conflict.
I’m not saying that I’m a total doormat who will let others push me around to avoid getting into conflicts or arguments but I feel like I need to learn how to be a little braver in terms of not giving a fuck about what others think of me. Sometimes I think I’m too nice and that I compromise on things just because I want to avoid conflicts. I mean talking behind another person’s back is easy but when it comes to face to face confrontation, suddenly everyone is afraid to say shit. I always admired people who speak their mind without worrying about how other people might think of them. I’ve always wanted to be that person who voices out her thoughts and opinions on things without fear. However, there is a difference between voicing out one’s thoughts and opinions and verbally abusing someone because I don’t want to end up being a jerk to others.
I think I sometimes care too much about what other people think of me. I know we can’t control how and what other people think of us but I think sometimes I try way too hard to please people and make people like that and this prevents me from telling people what I really think and feel. This sucks because this fear is not helping me build up my own self-confidence. I’m almost 20 years old and I’m still scared of standing in front a group of people and speaking to them because I’m terrified that they’ll think what I’m saying is stupid etc.
This is definitely one of the biggest problems that I’m facing right now and I really want to not be so afraid anymore. I want to be able to share my thoughts and opinions on things and not be afraid of what others might think of them because as a human being, I’m entitled to my own opinions and I’m allowed to share them with people. I want to rid my fear of being judged by others and I want to not worry about whether people will like me or not after I speak my mind because lets face it, not everyone is going to like you in this world and you can’t please everybody.
For so many years I’ve had this stupid fear and I don’t want to continue having this fear twenty years down the road thus it is my goal from today that I will get rid of this fear that I have of speaking my mind. I know this change won’t happen overnight but I’m hoping that I’ll be less afraid to speak my mind in the months and years to come and the only way I can overcome this is to actually speak my mind, give my thoughts and opinions on things and not care too much if my opinions or suggestions sound stupid because life’s too short so fuck what people think.