Sometimes I feel like I’m two different people stuck in the same body. I feel like I have two different personalities and that I act different around different people, depending on how comfortable and close I am with them. Sometimes I feel as though I have split personality disorder or something, and sometimes I don’t even know which side of me is the real, real me.
One part of me is the louder, crazier, talkative person who’s got a hell lot of attitude and temper and usually this is the side of me that my family sees on a regular basis. This is basically the me at home. The other side of me is the more introverted one -quiet, shy. This side of me usually comes out when I’m in school around people whom I’m less familiar with and less comfortable with. That’s one of the reason people at school sees me as that quiet girl who doesn’t really say much.
Honestly, I think I’m both. Both the loud, crazy, talkative person and the quiet, shy, awkward person. Even though the two sides seem to be complete polar opposite, there’s a little bit of me in both. However, sometimes I wish I could bring out that loud, crazy and more outgoing side of me in school because not only do I think that side of me is more fun to be around but also because I feel that sometimes feel like I’m wearing that more introverted side of me like a mask. Sometimes I feel like I’m afraid to let people see that louder, crazier side of me. I guess I do have my walls up (really high) to protect myself but then again this wall do prevent me from opening up to people to let other people in.
I guess this is something that I’ve been trying to work on. I know it’s so much easier to keep everyone out and shut yourself in to protect ourselves and our vulnerability but sometimes when you shut yourself in, you’re also shutting out all the good things too like friendship and love. I think this is why I don’t have a friend that I’m extremely close with and that I could talk to as easily as I could talk to my sister and that’s also probably why I’m single as fuck. It’s because I don’t let anyone else in. Maybe its time for me to stop being afraid and caring if other people like me or not. I think its time to start opening myself up a little more to people and start lowering the walls that I’ve built around myself.