So after about two to three years of being mostly blonde, I’m back to being a brunette again. Yes, I finally felt like I was ready to give up the blonde and plus being a blonde is pretty high maintenance especially if you have naturally black hair like mine.
The reason why I started going blonde is not only because I wanted to try something completely different with my hair but also because most of the girls that I see on TV and in magazines whom I thought were gorgeous, were blondes. And because of that, I always associated girls with blonde hair to be more attractive and beautiful. After I went blonde, I just wanted to stay blonde because it not only made me feel pretty but it definitely attracted attention. Not going to lie but I did like the attention because growing up, I never really got noticed by people and people never really paid much attention to me. I remember when I was little, strangers or friends of my parents would often go up to my sister and commented on how pretty and adorable she was with her big round eyes and her chubby cheeks and her amazingly long eyelashes while I just stood there. I wasn’t particularly jealous but I just felt invisible. Like I was too plain or not pretty enough to be noticed. (That’s one of the reasons why I love the book ‘Big Girl’ by Danielle Steele because I could relate to the main character) And as I grew older, I was one of those people whose friends gets noticed before they did and me being shy did not help either. I guess that’s why I was so attached to having blonde hair because I finally felt like I was being noticed by people and by strangers on the street. I felt like for the first time I wasn’t invisible.
But now, I finally felt I am finally ready and comfortable enough and gave up the blonde for darker locks. I know it all sounds stupid and superficial, changing my appearance drastically just to get a little bit of attention. But I did gain some self-confidence during this period of having blonde hair. I don’t exactly know how giving my hair a complete makeover would give me more self-confidence but it did. I’ve also had other unnatural hair colors during the two to three years and because its unnatural, not everyone would like it. I did get some of those disapproving looks from strangers and some relatives but one of the things I learnt was to not give a flying fuck about what people thought of you and of your appearance. So what if other people don’t like your hair or your clothes and think that your pastel blue hair looks ugly and weird? As long as you’re comfortable in your appearance and who you are as a person, that’s all that really matters.
And I just can’t believe I wrote a whole blog post about my hair. Nobody place that much meaning behind changing their looks. Well, except for me. I guess that’s what happens when all the chemicals from the bleach and hair dye seeps into your scalp, it makes you become a drama queen.