I sometimes wonder what is it like to be one of those girls that all the boys seem to like or found attractive. I know that’s not the most important thing in life but sometimes I just can’t help but wonder.
I’ve spent 19 years of my life single and majority of the times I’m okay with it because there is so many things in my normal daily life that I stress over and worry about that I don’t really think about things like being in a relationship etc. I’ve never been someone who was desperate to get into relationships but sometimes I can’t help wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship. Whenever I’m with my group of friends, no matter what we’re talking about the topic of relationship will always pop out in the conversation and my friends will start talking about their relationship or about some crush they have on a guy while I just sat there. Don’t get me wrong, I love talking about boys but whenever the topic about relationship is being brought into the conversation I always get awkward because I have zero experience in that department. I haven’t even kissed a boy yet! Yeah, I know. 19 and have yet to be kissed or be in a relationship. I blame it on my high and maybe impossibly high expectations of boys.
The one question that always pops into my head whenever I see couples out and about or when I think about romantic relationships in general is how do two people find each other attractive? Because to me, liking a guy and having him like me back is something that only happens in my dreams. Like I could never imagine a guy I have a crush on reciprocate my feelings. Fuck, I don’t even think I could get a guy I find attractive to think that I’m attractive let alone them liking me as a person. I don’t think I ever had someone told me I was pretty. Not that I need any validation from other people to make me feel better about myself but still it would be flattering to hear someone tell you that, wouldn’t it?
I know that I’m still young and I have years ahead of me to date and fall in love with different guys but I guess I’m just afraid that this will never happen. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever had a major crush on a guy that made me wish and fantasize about dating them. I found them attractive and all but after a week or two, the attraction fades and that’s why I’ve never been in a relationship. And truth be told, I think I’m just afraid that I’ll never find someone who I’ll really like and have them like me back because to me, romance seem like something that only happens in my dreams and in movies of course. Maybe thats the reason why I’m such a sucker for those cute, fluffy teenage summer romance novels because I basically live vicariously through the characters.
I know that at the age that I am, there are so many other things to worry about. My future for example but sometimes I just can’t help but imagine what it would be like to go on an actual date with an actual guy. Well, maybe someday in the (very) distant future I’ll finally get to experience all this but for now I guess I’ll have to settle for dating Sebastian Stan in my fantasy.